TIM: Hey it’s -
JOHNNY: Timmy, m’boy. Who else would it be.
TIM: Quite right. Quite right.
JOHNNY: To what do I owe the honor of your call?
TIM: I want to put you in a movie.
JOHNNY: Wow. What were you thinking this time? Let’s do something big. And bright. And sunny. Maybe set in the future.
TIM: I was thinking it would be, hmm, let’s say, quite dark.
JOHNNY: Like the last five ones?
TIM: I didn’t even take down the last set. I just put a tarp over it.
JOHNNY: Do you think people will notice we’ve made the same movie since Sleepy Hollow?
TIM: Nah. I still get one hell of a kickback from those weird overgrown mouthbreathing childpeople who keep buying “limited edition” Nightmare Before Christmas snow globes and lunchboxes every year.
JOHNNY: So that’s why all these things keep getting greenlit.
TIM: I was thinking Helena Bonham Carter could be in this one.
JOHNNY: Jesus, Tim. I love you like a brother and all but, you know, for the sake of changing it up a little -
TIM: I lost my phone 8 years ago.
JOHNNY: Let’s make another ‘Ed Wood’! Remember how fun that was? We were young, bright eyed, and hadn’t fallen into a creative rut…
TIM: So you want to make another ‘Ed Wood’.
TIM: Can we put bats in it?
JOHNNY: Well, no.
TIM: How about cobwebs?
TIM: How about a soundtrack that sounds a gay tiger wrote it after an opium binge?
TIM: Well then we can’t make it then, can we.
JOHNNY: I was thinking something a little more modern.
TIM: We don’t say that word, Johnny. Not in this house.
I love Johnny Depp, but Tim Burton is a fucking hack.
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